Day 198: Recap! (Testimony)

What a week it has been. This has been a very emotional week for me, both mentally and emotionally. I've had a hard time this week, but it payed off in the end. I am grateful God has given me a platform such as this to encourage me when I need. This week god used my own words to speak to me. Many of this weeks posts came out of what I was experiencing and having faith in Him. So today I'd like to share a testimony with you all.

I have been struggling with my tuition for the past two years at school and it was even more of a struggle this year. With the financial aid office telling me there was nothing they could do to help me. I've been denied for every loan there is, from private loans, to payday loans. I am still paying off last semester and I go back to school in a month. I had no idea how I was going to come up with the eight thousand dollar needed to pay for school. I have been on the phones, the school has been so rude to me, no one was willing to help me. No one. So I prayed and I got to a point where I started to freak out, I was getting tired of fighting, and tired of trying and just ready to walk away from it all. However, deep down inside I knew that everything was going to be okay. When I was done freaking out, I found an ounce of hope. During this time I decided to email the president of my school, explaining the situation to him and asking for help. I was very honest in the email and I laid it all out on the table. Not knowing if he would respond or even help I sent the email because why not.  While I was expecting something from God, I was not expecting what He did. It reminds me of Ephesians 3:20,

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,"

It amazes me how God can take good faith and make it great. He shows us what He can do when we have faith in Him. This testimony is a testament of both God's faithfulness, and what it looks like when you trust God. 

So yesterday, I checked my email yesterday to see if there would be a response from him and there was. Not only did they increase one of my grants by 1,000 dollars but they also gave me another grant to cover the remainder of my tuition for the entire year. I read the email and I broke down crying because I knew that that was God. He worked it out for me once again in a way I never expected. I don't have to worry about making payments or stressing about the people in financial aid sending me passive aggressive emails. My God is awesome. I cannot thank Him enough, I am still amazed by it. When God shows up, He truly shows out. 

Day 194: When It's Too Much

Yesterday we talked not giving any excuses and throwing ourselves a pity party, but if I’m being completely honest, sometimes life seems to throw too much at you at the same time. I might sound like I’m contradicting myself here based on what I wrote yesterday and what today’s subject will be. But the truth is, life contradicts itself, it has ups and downs, flaws and all, but it’s worth living.

Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Deuteronomy 31:6

“...He will not fail you or forsake you.”

You ever get tired of fighting? You’re not necessarily giving up or losing your faith in God, you’re just tired. Tired of fighting, and exhausted from how long the fight has been. It’s like an in between area, you don’t want to give up, you want to keep going, you’ve come too far to stop, but you just want a break. Just a little break, you want the opponent to ease up a bit so you can breathe and gather your thoughts. It’s a hard place to be in.

Sometimes life is hard, and sometimes we get to the point where we do know if we can keep going. There’s no doubt that we want to keep going but it’s hard, we’re tired, and sore, and exhausted. How do we keep pushing when the harder we push the bigger the battle gets, the more we press, the more pressure is applied. It is tiring.

I am not ashamed to say that life can get tiring and sometimes I just want to walk away and not even try anymore. But it’s in these moments that we have to keep going. We have to keep pushing. God didn’t bring us this far to leave us, and we didn’t come this far to give up. We get to a place where it’s too far to turn back and to close to stop. It’s been a journey of sacrifice, tears, blood, more tears, frustration, and anger but it’s worth it to keep going. My mom would always tell me when I was younger and even now, “the closer you are to the top, the harder it gets.”

All this to say, yes, I know you’re exhausted and it’s tiring, it’s frustrating, and sometime you don’t understand. Trust in God, trust in His plan, trust that He is going to come through for you. He hasn’t failed yet, and I don’t believe that He will start now. Keep going, keep pushing, fight a little harder. Trust me, it will all be worth it. You will reap and it will be glorious. Remember, a diamond is made with extreme amounts of pressure.

Response/Prayer Time

Take the time to talk to God about what we discussed today. Ask God to give you strength and endurance. Whenever you get into the mindset of being tired, you get three and a half minutes, that’s enough time for one sad song and then you get back to it.

I love you, I hope you have an amazing day or evening. Be sure to share this with someone and come back tomorrow for Day 195!

Day 189: Don't Run Away, Deal With It!

Something that I have learned time and time again is that running aways from problems does not solve them. It hides them for the time being but they will always catch up with us.

James 1:2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

The keywords in these scriptures is, “face trials”. It doesn’t say have problems or run away from them. It says consider it pure joy when you face trials. That to me means we have to face the trials in our lives head on if we want to keep our joy. We cannot ignore what is going on in our lives because we don’t want to deal with it. If we want to move forward we have to face whatever it is in our lives that is bothering us or presenting a problem.

This is something that God has been teaching me recently, to get in touch with my feelings and not ignore what is going on in my life. I believe that mental and emotional health is just as important as our spiritual health because if we are not mentally and emotionally healthy, then it will start to take a toll on our spiritual wellness. I think many times as Christians we tend to ignore these things because we are Christian, we feel like we don’t have to deal with a problem because we pray. Sometimes it starts with a prayer, and then we have to do some deep digging to get to the root of the issue, then we pray some more. We have to be honest with ourselves if we want to grow, yes prayer changes things, I believe in the power of prayer, but we sometimes use, “I’m praying about it.” as an excuse not to deal with it. We use prayer as our scapegoat.  

If we want to grow in life we have to learn how to access our true feelings and not shy away from them, no matter what they may be. Pinpoint the problem and face it head on like David did Goliath. Now the thing about prayer is that it will get us through, God will give us all we need to get through the trials, but we still have to go through them, we still have to deal with it. That is how we persevere and become stronger, we look to God to help us face trials, not to help us skip over them. In the end we will be stronger. We have to choose to do this however. We have to choose to stop running and hiding and dare I say it again, deal with it.

Reflection

1. Check in with yourself from time to time. Set a reminder to check in with yourself. Take the time to examine every area of your life. How you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically. Set a reminder, take at least 10 minutes at the end of every day or every other day to see how you are doing. You must prioritize yourself.
2. Find a way to let out whatever it is you're going through, to get to the root of it. For me I write and make video diaries.
3. Find a way of release, pray first and then do whatever it is you need to do to release yourself. For me this is working out, painting, or going for walks or hikes. Spend this time alone to recuperate and really talk to God.
4. Last but not least, talk to someone. Someone you can trust. Don’t be afraid to set up an appointment with a therapist. God has given therapist the gift they have to serve others, He knew we would need it at some point. If you need to see a therapist, go. You don’t have to tell anyone about it unless you want to.
5. This is your life, take care of yourself, take care of your spiritual, mental, and emotional health.

Prayer Time

Pray about what we talked about today, start by checking in with yourself and pray about, Talk to God about whatever is on your heart ask Him to help you face your problems head on and uncover the truth that needs to be revealed within you. This is between you and God, if you choose to share with others, do so. If not, then you don’t have to share.

I love you so much, and I hope you have an amazing day. Be sure to share this with someone and come back tomorrow for Day 190!